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# I'm a mutt when it comes to nationalities, but I really wish I had one place I could say I was from. # I'm bisexual and alot of people know, just not my parents because I'm scared my parents won't trust me being alone with my friends or say something like "oh that explains alot." # I joke around about my prejudice toward Germans but no one really knows the truth, I do really hate them and I don't know why, especially because I am German, and it really upsets me that I feel this way. # I think I'm amazingly ugly. # Even though I hate racism and racist people, I do feel uncomfortable sitting in a resturant near a group of black guys. I'm very ashamed of this. But it might just be because I have really low self-esteem and think they will/are making fun of me. # I'm really paranoid that people are always making fun of me. # Though I act like I know how people should treat other people, I can very easily treat people like they don't matter and I do it way too often. # Even though It's wrong, if I really care about somebody, I'll let them treat me like shit because I'm scared of loosing them because I have such low self-esteem I never feel like I can do any better. # I really do feel that my mother sees me as less than human because I'm a kid, and especially her kid, like I don't know anything and don't have real emotion. # Even though I hate this guy for being a complete fake, shallow asshole, I still would kill to be his close friend because I can't grasp what he's become, I want him to be what he was and for some reason I think I can help him. Sometimes my ego and self-esteem conflict. # Everything feels really fake and far away, like i'm watching it on t.v, especially whne I see plays/concerts. I've entertained the thought of just going up on stage and walking through the people... because it doesn't seem real. # Sometimes I really do think I'm going crazy...and I'm scared. # The "edit your facts" box seriously needs to be bigger, no lie. # I really want to date a girl right now. # I have a hard time sleeping without someone else in the bed/cuddling up to my stuffed animal or my body pillow. # I'm still really scared of thunderstorms. # Sometimes I want to be a nun, even though I don't believe, just to get away from the world. # I often fantasize about what an afterlife might be like. # If i'm not careful I know I could become a total recluse studying theories about religion and an afterlife...i mean this. # I have a severe sick fascination with nazi concentration camps particularly the cruelties and the nazi medical experiments...extremely drawn in by human suffering.This could also consume my life. # I think I was French in a past life. # I honestly want to die, not like those annoying girls though who think its some big romantic "oh i must escape my 500 doller green hair extensions,1000 doller corset from europe and the fact that i get everything I ever want" I hate them, i really am just tired. # This should be 400 stars long, I don't like this website only because I have a hard time facing myself when it comes to non stupid things like " i don't like this person because they are a shit head" and you know what, that's pretty sad. # I have a serious carridephobia and yes it is as debilitating and annoying as it sounds... # Cool the edit facts box got bigger, I wonder if that was my doing? # I'm a bitch for attention from people who normally are jerk-offs, I like feeling like one of the elite...I guess in general i'm a bitch for attention. # I always say how much I hate this town, but I don't want to move, not even out of my fucking room, because of all the memories, I wouldn't be able to let it go. # I've been known to elaborate on a story if the person i'm talking to doesn't look amused, nothing major just enough to make them smile or something..perferably smile (whore for attention) # I don't tell my parents anything about my self, but occasionally i'll go off on a tangent about school/other people just so they don't start prying. # I really am attracted to assholes of all kinds male/female, the male is the better alternative though, even though I know they are assholes, hell, i'm not trying to front on this thing, i'd probably stay with someone who beat me (Well atleast until I gave up, which might be awhile). It's not that I feel I deserve it (at least consciously) I can't explain it, i just don't care...maybe I do feel I deserve it? # I would rather die then every have children, they are the worst things on gods green earth, they take up resources space and time...and let's not even talk about the shit that happens to women while having one! # Even though I love France with all my little heart, I could never go because, not knowing the language i'd be so self-conscious. I'd feel like everyone was looking down on me for numerous reasons,being American is one of them (the american thing can go for anywhere not just France) # I'd look down on me for being American, shit I do look down on me for being American # I fit the bi-sexual labeling that I judge others by "bi girls tend to be more straight and bi guys are more gay" but i do legitmetly like girls haha. # I normally feel pretty intense emotion # I hate being told i'm too cynical, too depressing, too negative, too harsh or too over dramatic. # I hate asking for help in school if it's something I know I can figure out myself, it's a pride issue, probably explains my failing math all the time. # What the hell is a "unique visitor?" # My highschools main art teacher fucking adores me but she makes me really uncomfortable...i mean i think she can be a cool lady but most of the time shes just a crazy mood swingy bitch and it really makes me uncomfortable that shes all like " I really miss having you in class" and yesterday she said that she thinks everyday that she would like to have a conversation with me,just talk in class.It's disgusting and creepy and all that shit.... Despite all this i'm apparently not above her self-esteem crushing phrases and looks, SHE MAKES ME REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE and i'm never planning on seeing her again. she can find someone else to freak the fuck out. I'm done,she creeps me out. But i still feel bad because I know she's just a lonely old lady....but honestly, no i'm through. This should be a thousand gillion gazillion stars. # On the other hand I LOVE my history teacher and I keep trying to impress him to get him to like me, and I have said some things that have made him like me but you know..i'm such a sucker for attention. # I love chasing after those people who don't like talking to anyone and just seem really stand offish and alone (or way out of my league)...everytime I meet one of them i decide I WILL be their friend, if even an aquantince...every single one of them I try to do this with. Makes me feel accomplished what can I say? # Openhuman should have underline/italic/bolding properties! # There was a period of time where I was fiercely afraid to lay down and sleep in bed...becuase as soon as I tried, i would always wake up. # Night time is the worst time for me, that time when your laying in bed, chilled out waiting for sleep...thats when I start feeling like crap. # I'm worried about an aquaintence of mine because she just fell in with the wrong crowd recently and is dropping her really good friends for them. # They have a "mark up rules?" link that tells you how to italicize and stuff with HTML cool dude, they listen to us! yes!!! Xanga doesn't do that..no one does that! CHEERS ON OPEN HUMAN # I really want to try my hand at writing "erotic stories" uh no let's not kid ourselves here, I want to see how I am at writing sex stories, just for the hell of it, if anyone knows any good websites...you know hit me back. Might be a shocker to my friend who reads this haha. # I have expensive taste and i'm barely making middle-class. # I still find myself saying I like things or want to see/hear/read something just to sound cool or fit in, i've bough things because of this "hedwig and the angry inch" for one ex. though i have heard from reliable sources that it is, indeed, quite a good movie. *SIGH* # The sky is a wierd/pretty orangey gray. # I really don't find someone murdering someone rich or even middle-class as sad as I do someone murdering someone poor or homeless, i mean if i knew the person that's different of course but just hearing about it. Don't get me wrong i feel bad, but it just seems the higher up the financial ladder you get the less i care,probably some resentment for my not being rich. # I care about a kitties/puppies/any other animal life more than i would most human beings. # I say I hate children so much and hell, don't get me wrong, I do...but i could never hurt a kid, in any way, i can't corrupt some child or let anyone else do it. Their innocence is still important to me just because, well fuck, let them have some time before this bitch of a life hits them am i right? # THIS SHOULD BE A THOUSAND STARS- if I feel that you are wasting resources I feel you should be dead this applies to those people who have no chance in hell of getting out of a coma, the people whos bodies are beyond repair broken but their brains are fine, people who are restricted forever to a bed/wheel chair, the severly mentally handicapped.(this might be from my odd almost phobia/severe dscomfort around anyone whos even slightly handicapped) I'm very naziesque in this way, if you can't function in society then fuck off. Sometimes I think i'm the product of a different time. # I was really afraid to share that above fact and still am, now i'm afraid everyone i know on here is going to hate me and i'm going to get "tolerance" ads on my page # My xanga is www.xanga.com/A_DistantMemory # I'm currently dealing with the loss of someone whom I love very much and i can't see myself every getting out it...i'm at a horrible place. # For the longest time i never met anyone interesting real life, only online so I had alot of "online friends" but recently, I jsut don't meet anyone at all... # the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return-moulin rouge # I'm alot like ewan mcgregors character from Moulin Rouge...in the sense that "love is like oxygen, love is a many splendid thing, all you need is love" and i can argue that love is, indeed, all you need. # Nicole Kidman as a red head, like she naturally is...well preferably but nicole kidman in any hair color is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen, just the camera doens't love her but...she is...stunning too stunning for words or actions # I hate how it really fucking gets to me how my mom and me share the same occupational wish (therapist) and that we both like to write. My friend told me that when people find out stuff like that about their parents it forever messes up their perception of them. She's right, it totally fucked me up. I can't believe that she stopped going to college when she met my dad because she "lost interest" and it all went to him. That fucking proves that shes a fucking stupidfuck. # Ever since a friend of mine died i've become much meaner...i LOVE seeing other people in pain, it's great...i mean there aren't words for how great it feels watching someone cry or freak out because someone else hurt them (unless i like said person, or the person who hurt them REALLY fucked up) # My mom recently took the liberty of getting me an instructor at the closest LA Fitness (shudder) and i hate her for it..i feel that by doing this and loosing the weight, i'll be ripped away from my past...the past that i live in and i don't want that. I'm not ready to live and she can't make me. # I hate how people think i haven't had any life experiences just because i don't talk about it or bring shit up...even if someone hasn't gone through shit you have gone through it doens't mean they can't understand it. # I'm really fake sometimes but so is everybody else so I guess it's fine? # There's someone in this world, somewhere out here who I have alot to say to, I can just never find them and if i ever do, I don't know if I could say all that I should. # In response to a friends fact: you have impacted my life greatly by doing nothing special other than just being yourself. # I can be a serious brat but a dear friend of mine taught me to be better at not being one. :> # I'm honestly ashamed at how I treated people in the past. # I've become a much angrier person and frequently hurt my parents by being a wise ass, I don't mean to, my temper has just been shorter lately. # I haven't slept well in the last two years. # I frequently wonder "when did my generation fall in love?" # I haven't lived in the last two years...2005/2006 may have well not happened for all i've done/accomplished in them and i'm fine with this. # I understand all those shitty love songs now. # Ally: You're my best friend (i mean this) you mean so much to me and reading your response to my response to your fact made me smile,you ever need to be reminded of your good qualities give me a call # I forgot I had this thing...I freaked out when I remembered..I feel bad. # Sadly enough I feel that guys look really good in the old nazi uniforms...idk the color/cut i guess...nothing to do with the belief behind that obviously. But i still feel like a freak... # I have been a rabid fan of the preston&steve show ever since i first heard them on y100 (A LONG TIME AGO...like 6th grade i'm now a junior) and it broke my fucking heart when y100 was killed for yet ANOTHER rap station (you rock fans...don't move around philly all you'll get is rap and 4 rock stations...just don't come here) but they moved to wmmr 93.3 and i moved only because of them. Today, preston of the preston and steve show got an email saying he won the international lottery and stated that if it were real he might quit the show,though he was joking. I was in literal pain because of this, if that show broke off my life wouldn't be complete anymore, i grew up with these guys.But it literally felt like someone just told me my best friend is moving away. I never knew I felt that strongly about that show or that I could feel that strongly about a radio show. # I've been watching Buffy the vampire slayer again since i have 5 seasons of it and i fell in love with it all over again,(especially the buffy/angel romance *i'm a freak* though i've spent the last few years complaining about it being horrible. # I feel that my posts on here are way too long and no one reads them or those who do just don't care and don't comment cause they think i'm a freak or a waste of their time...but what else is new. # Alot of people are turning out to be not at all what I thought they were and those who i thought weren't what they once were never actaully changed and i'm not surprised, it's just my luck. # Looking at pictures/videos me and a firend took/made last night made me hate myself so much in the shallow sense of the word that there aren't words i wanted to kill myself or at least hide in a dark corner until i feel suitable for other peoples eyes. # I go on and off with deciding to starve myself or start making myself vomit. I'm not joking here. # All my xanga names have had some substantial meaning to my life except my very first one. # I'm amazed at how well i can hide my sadness from people...i can hide major events in my life from people, even the people i really love. # I seriously regret telling one of my friends about something that upset me because all she did was make me feel like a fucking moron because it seems that her own opinion blocked her from being able to accept that i was upset and to just offer some condolence and not make me feel like a fuck up. # Theres only one person i tell EVERYTHING to. I think that's the only reason I keep my friendship with her really. # I'm sad quite frequently...actaully like 99% of the time. If my friends saw me the way i was at home i think they would be surprised. # I'm frequently battling with memories, if i let myself go...i'd drive myself insane with it and wind up dying in my room from lack of food or something like that # I don't care...if someone I know killed themselves over a guy/girl who dumped them i'd hate them for it. LOTS of other people have gone through alot worse with relationships like having the person die for example and didn't kill themselves. If you can't deal with it, i don't see how you're still alive today because you must have the emotional stability of a schizophrenic.*fumes* # I spend alot of time thinking about what i'm going to do in the afterlife, all of that is nicely planned out whereas my life..the thing that is, in all likelihood,closer (damn) isn't planned whatsoever and i don't think i will plan it, i'm good at winging shit. # There are alot of things that I know i should do...but i've only ever done one. # I LOVE READING LESBIAN EROTICA...yeah you heard me # After being read an article about some shooting in philly in which the interviewer said "she can't even bring herself to talk about him in the past tense" *DUH MAYBE CAUSE HE JUST DIED LIKE A DAY AGO btw* I wondered if i do. # You've become just like every other girl to me though you are too bullheaded to admit it and you are too crazy for me to bring it up,i don't tell you things because you are fucking scary. You dissapointed me again and i'm actually angry about it... but not because of you, i have my own issues that i need to get through. It's just so funny becuase i really thought you were something you seem to not be *shrugs* oh well i guess people really just suck # I'm not comfortable with being "open" on here because I now know 3 people personally on this website...so i feel I have to be vague because i don't want to piss them off. fucking emotions # When I turn 18 i'm going to enter a deathrow penpal program because I feel for these people (lets face it..being put on death row is the equivalent of a life sentence since they just don't kill people as much anymore..remotely as much) and i'm not scared whatsoever and if someone gives me crap about it...there face my fist. # I hate people who dress up to go to the premiere of a movie...i don't mean fnacy clothes i mean dressing up like for potc or harry potter. # The thought of going to school,made me want to kill myself this morning, i'm serious i would of rather been dead. # I don't want to die with the secret i'm thinking of submitting to postsecret.com (best website btw...go on it..support it..) but i know i'll get responses on the website saying i'm off my bleedin' rocker...they'll think i'm so crazy they will be forced to use british slang i'm serious.Time to start makin' my postcard... # I'm seriously just not good enough. # Any hope I had of ever getting things to be remotely liek they used to be were fucking..rampaged, I mean just..holy shit...they were kinda growing,getting settled into a very shaky spot...they just got ripped out torn apart shat on puked on spat on sat on fart on stomped on drowned burned buried alive (barely) beat and shot through the head. I mean...DAMN HOMEY # i've been considering stopping the friendship between me and my best friend...but i know that my mom would give me shit/i'd have less of a social life (possible!?) and i would have NO one to get alot of this shit out to...so i won't...but she just pisses me off every other day. # I thought I had just changed,gotten more of a spine, more passionate whatever because i've definitly gotten angrier and all that...but now that i look into it, i think alot of it is just depression and guess what that does? yeah makes me sad..i'd like to believe i really did just get more fiery though i know that that is part of it. # I'm very emotionally numb anymore,the best i get is angry/annoyed/sad...and rarely at that (well no i'm frequently sad thats a lie and only certain people (like 2) can really get me angry...) i don't care if someone doesn't like me just becuase i don't care i see no reason to care i don't care if someone is mad at me etc etc. save for 5 people i just don't give a shit about the rest of the world...and you know what...it's great because i'm not a menace...like i could kill without remorse, i know how to act and all that but it's great..it really is # One of my friends is getting hurt and I'M THE ONE WHO HAS THE NERVE TO BE SCARED. # whats with the censored count on the top of each page?
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